Everyone is calling for ‘tolerance’ these days. But, really deep down, what do we mean?
It seems to me that there are several different types of ‘tolerance’, and they don’t all mean the same thing. There is a whole spectrum of ‘tolerance’! Let me highlight the ‘good extreme’ and the ‘bad extreme’, with the understanding that most of the time ‘tolerance’ – as practiced in our society – falls somewhere in between the two. I just hope we’ll try to aim towards the ‘good’ end of the spectrum…
The ‘GOOD tolerance’
I suspect that is what most of us mean when we say ‘tolerance’. This form is the ‘respectful tolerance’, and it requires that both sides ‘acknowledge the differences’ and then CHOOSE to respect the choices the others make.
That is by no means easy. All sides (this is never as easy as just two or three sides) have to take the time and effort to actually educate themselves on other peoples’ views and beliefs, then consider each others’ positions objectively, then judge ‘the other sides’ to be worthy of respect….and that is not always possible. For, how can one truly respect a view or belief which may be contrary to one’s core values?
The answer, of course, is with an utmost exercise of self-control and intellectual detachment…but remember, this is one of the extremes, an ideal we ought to aspire to live up to.
The ‘BAD tolerance’
This tolerance is not nice tolerance at all. It is the dismissive kind: ‘oh, let them do their thing, we could never hope to civilize them’ kind of tolerance… ‘Oh, why would we want to bring democracy there, these people are just too backward – they could never understand equality.’ ‘Their women don’t know any different, so why give them ideas of what we live like – they’re just too tribal to change.’ You know, this is the ‘they could NEVER be equal to US’ tolerance….which permeates the separatist and racist underbellies of every society.
Not only does it dismiss the side ‘to be tolerated’, it treats people as unworthy of the expectations that one has of the members of a civilized society…. It inevitably leads to the alienation and isolation of the ‘tolerated’ side, socially and eventually economically, forcing them to become second class citizens. It is dispicable!
This position is difficult to eradicate for two major reasons: one, it is often deeply held, because it makes the person holding such views feel somehow ‘superior’ and way more ‘special’; it is also often really hard to recognize, because it is so adept at masking itself…as real, proper, respectful tolerance!
What is even worse is that among those who practice this ‘patronizing tolerance’, there are often despicable busybodies who consider their actions to be noble, a showcase of how tolerant we all ‘ought to’ be, wrapping themselves in ‘the cloak of righteousness’. These busybodies wreak havoc in many ways.
One of the most destructive is by appointing themselves the ‘guardians’ of those ‘to be tolerated’. In this role, they look for ways in which the ‘mainstream culture’ differs from the original culture of the unfortunates whom they’ve decided to ‘shield’, and demands exemptions for them. This may be from sport-team rules and other minor things to cultural practices, or even to exempt them from some actual laws of the land. Of course, this may please some of the newest arrivals (or those within the immigrant community who wish to control them), but overall, it denies the newly arrived immigrants the right and the very ABILITY to integrate, bullying them into perpetuating the very cultural practices they are trying to escape from by coming here….
Another extremely destructive thing these ‘busybodies’ do is to bully the mainstream culture into tolerating all kind of excesses perpetrated by some people in the ‘target minority’, into tolerating behaviours unacceptable by our laws and our cultural standards. This, of course, is done in the name of ‘educating us all’ to the ‘sensitivities’ we must be mindful of when we tolerate these excesses and illegal behaviours….
How could this unwelcome and obstructive meddling do anything but breed resentment on all sides? How could we all be blind to it? How could we allow ourselves to be duped and bullied by these busybodies?
It would be naïve to think that we can ever fully get rid of the ‘bad tolerance’…it’s part of our human nature. But, could we not try to minimize it? Could we not try to aspire to actually respect each other? Could we not hope to reach higher on the ‘kind of tolerance’ spectrum?
Gosh, I hope I’m not too naïve for hoping we can!
Xanthippa's Chamberpot 
February 20, 2008 at 13:53
Hey there Xanthippa,
I really like your post here. Especially your discussion about busybodies. I am living temporarily in Japan and busybodies have wreaked havoc on my life. I find that they try to follow me everywhere, protecting me and tranlating for me, explaining things around me to the minutest detail. Admittedly, when I first arrived here and spoke no Japanese, I loved these busybodies. I thought they were my saviors, and perhaps at that time they were.
Now, I am conversational in Japanese and I find that whenever the busybodies are around, the direct connections I have worked hard to build up with the members of the mainstream culture here are severed.
The members of the mainstream culture here immediately rely on the busybodies because it is often true, without my busybodies I would often fail.
Through failing, though, I can learn. It may be harder once for the members of the mainstream culture to deal with my failure, but thereafter, I can stand on my own two feet and contribute far more directly than I ever would have been able to through the busybody.
February 20, 2008 at 14:06
Thank you, TS!
It is nice to ave my own observations cofirmed so directly!
February 21, 2008 at 17:52
Very nice post. I agree about the fundamental ambiguity of “tolerance”—generally speaking, we only “tolerate” something when we have no hope of changing it. It means we bite our tongues while secretly wishing things were different, and to me this is a pretty disturbing word in the context of intercultural relations. It implies that seething discontent just below the surface—“If we could, we’d kick these people out of the country but we can’t so we’re just going to have to tolerate them.”
I would argue what we need is not so much “tolerance” as much as it is understanding and love. Granted, these are much more difficult than “understanding”.
February 21, 2008 at 18:59
Thank you!
It’s that English language thing….we use one word to mean a myriad of things….and they don’t always mean the same things! :0)
April 15, 2009 at 06:41
I can tell that this is not the first time you mention the topic. Why have you chosen it again?
Xanthippa says:
Thank you for your comments.
Why have I chosen this topic ‘again’?
I tend to be a little too wordy… or, perhaps, opinionated. Some people say I’m both! Therefore, when I tried to write a little bit about ‘cultural tolerance’, my rant was a little long for a single post: hence, I split it up into 3 parts (each with its own sub-focus).
However, you are correct when you say that this topic is near and dear to me: I am an immigrant. I was a refugee from my birth-land, and eventually immigrated into Canada.
And, I must say this clearly and loudly: Canada welcomed me with open arms and made me feel welcome. That is awesome!
However, being an immigrant (and ‘hanging out’ with immigrants from other cultures – I tended to tag along to a lot of otherwise somewhat ‘isolated’ cultural thingies – forgive the ‘technical jargon’), I have had an ‘inside look’ into how many of these ‘immigrant-culture’ associations work. What I was surprised at (at first) was just how SIMILAR the people who ran them were to each other, despite the incredibly different areas of the world they came from, regardless of the culture they were attempting to ‘preserve’ among their government-funded ‘cultural community’.
It made me realize this must be something innate to the human being: the ‘culture’ or ‘ethnicity’ is just a thin patina, the ‘package’ in which this collection of controlling behaviours comes wrapped in, so it looks different on the outside…
Most of them were poorly assimilated into Canadian society: unable or unwilling to form social connections with the mainstream community OR with other cultural minority organizers (which I thought could have helped them establish ‘best-practices’ for helping newcomers, etc.), these people instead attempted to form strong social bonds with newly arrived immigrants, whom they were entrusted to aid. Being in a position of power over them, they ‘helped’ and then exploited the ‘gratefullness’ the newcomers were obligated to feel towards them to control them.
I think I succeeded in finding a comfortable balance in how I integrated into the host society. I am fully functional in the society at large, and comfortable so – yet, I have not ‘rejected’ who I was before I came here (which I think one has to in order to be ‘assimilated’ – and which weakens one, as denying a part of who one is is bound to do), rather, I have grown from it: I think it has made me a richer person for it. So, while comfortable with my ‘ethnic group’ and maintaining some social ties to the people from this group whom I respected, most of my social network was independent of any ‘specific cultural group’.
Still, when I became of ‘marriageable age’ – all of a sudden people I had not been in touch with for years started arranging ‘meetings’ for me with young men from the ‘ethnic group’…
I suppose what I am trying to say is that most of us, immigrants, come to Canada (or other adoptive countries) because we LIKE THE HOST CULTURE and wish to live in it. AND, cultural tolerance is a wonderful thing…. BUT, too much of anything – even a good thing – is harmful!!!
So many people still think that ‘official multiculturalism’ – as it is practiced in Canada these days – is something which is beneficial to immigrants. That it is something we ‘ought to’ do, to help ‘newcomers’!
IT IS NOT!!!
To the contrary: ‘official multiculturalism’ (in this form) is HARMFUL to us newcomers!!! It ghettoizes us and prevents us from enjoying the culture we came here to enjoy….while it actively makes it more difficult for us to become well-adjusted, productive members of the society which so generously adopted us.
So, those who would ‘do this’ because they think they are doing us a favour, that this is beneficial for us, MUST HEAR – and they must hear it from US, the immigrants – that IT IS HARMFUL! WE, the immigrants, DO NOT WANT to be controlled by the most meddlesome people who have failed to integrate into our host culture! It is people LIKE THESE that we have been trying to ESCAPE from – and official multiculturalism gives them power over us HERE!
….focus: I go off on tangents a little too much – sorry!
Yet, whenever I witness another ‘ethnic group’ – supported by the government – manipulating and victimizing ‘new Canadians’ for their own purposes, I feel the uncontrollable need to scream from the top of my lungs: LET THEM BE FREE!!!
Perhaps that is why I keep returning to this theme…
I want the best for BOTH my adopted homeland, and for each and every person who lives here (born or immigrated) with as much freedom to achieve their best as a PERSON – and not be trapped in some twisted people’s power play which victimizes the person and weakens our society.
Yeah, I know – I’m a little idealistic… :0)