When asked by a young man if he should seek to marry, Socrates answered him:
“By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you will be happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.”
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Copied shamelessly from reddit (and, as it is Sunday, I though a religious theme might be nice):
Eris, Loki and Kali walk into a bar.
The waitperson comes over and says, “Order Please!”
The Oracle of Delphi called Socrates 'the wisest man' because he said:
"I know I know nothing!"
Of course, he only knew this because his wife, Xanthippe, told him so.