Xanthippa's Chamberpot

Two roommates work in a laboratory outside of Hamilton, Ontario. Steve, a regular fellow, and Gork, a literal caveman. He puts on a button-down shirt and tie every day in an attempt to fit in, but he just can’t stop being a knuckle-dragging caveman (albeit in a lab coat).

After several years of working there, some of Gork’s coworkers are talking during a coffee break. “Gork strikes me as really weird,” said one man, “He’s been here at the lab for like 6 years, and he never really developed any manners. I figured he would be civilized by now.”

Another coworker takes a sip of his coffee, thinks for a minute, and says, “Well, I suppose you really can’t expect him to evolve. He commutes with the Hamiltonian.”

And talking about commuting:

Heisenberg and Shrodinger are commuting to work together, when they get pulled over for speeding.  The police officer walks up to the driver’s window and accusingly says to Heisenberg:  “You were going 140 km/h!”

Heisenberg throws his hands up in disgust and exclaims:  “Great!  Now I’m lost!”

The cop finds this a suspicious answer, so he walks around to the other side, peering into the back seat along the way.  When he gets to Shrodinger’s window, he asks him:  “Did you know that there is a dead cat in the back seat?”

Schrodinger answers:  “Now I do!”

I can’t resist a few one-liners:

–  How many moles are there in guacamole?  Avocado’s number!

–  A bar walks up to a physicist.  Hey, wait – that’s the wrong frame of reference!

–  And then, a dyslexic walks into a bra…

– What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? A beer.

– There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

– How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.