Wednesday’s joke

Shamelessly lifted from reddit:

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel.

The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.

Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid.

At last, the mathematician awakes, only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher and thinks, “A solution exists!”, and heads back into his room.

A variation on a theme:

A group of mathematicians are at a team building seminar. When during the night a fire breaks out in one of the mathematicians room’s. He quickly tears pages out of his notebook lighting them on fire one by one. He then runs down the hall sliding sheets of burning paper under other mathematician’s doors.

After the building burns to the ground the fire marshal asks the mathematicians how the fire spread so fast.

He responds. “I thought distributing the problem would lead to finding a solution faster.”

Posted in Humour. Tags: . Leave a Comment »

Tuesday’s joke

Shamelessly lifted from reddit:

Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, when he hears a bell ring.  He jumps up shouting “oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!”

Another one-liner:

One hundred thousand Pascals go into a bar.  (Conversion complete)

And talking about Pascals:

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.  It is Einstein’s turn to count.

As Einstein starts counting, Pascal runs to hide.  But, Newton very calmly picks up a stick and scratches a perfect square, 1 meter per side, in the dirt – and then stands in the middle of the meter square.

Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes, turns around, sees Newton standing there and calls out:  ‘Pascal, I’ve found you!”

Monday’s Joke

Shamelessly lifted from reddit:

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician go hunting.  They see a moose.

The biologist takes a shot, but misses by a meter to the left…

The chemist shoots, but misses by a meter to the right…

The statistician jumps up and starts cheering:  “We got him!”

And while on the topic of hunting:

A family practice doc, an internist, a surgeon, and a pathologist are out one day duck hunting. First up is the FP doc – he raises his gun to take aim at a flock of birds passing overhead and says to himself, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.” BANG! He bags himself a duck.

The internist then steps up, raises his gun to take aim at a second flock of birds flying overhead. He says to himself, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck, quacks like a duck, rule out quail, rule out pheasant, goose versus duck likely.” BANG! He, too, bags himself a duck.

A third flock of birds then flies overhead and the surgeon steps up and raises his gun at the flock. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! He fires multiple rounds at the flock and dead birds are dropping all around. The surgeon lowers his gun, walks over to one of the dead birds, picks it up, hands it to the pathologist and says, “Tell me if this is a duck.”

 

Posted in Humour. Tags: . Leave a Comment »

Sunday’s joke

Shamelessly lifter from reddit:

Q: why DIDN’T Pascal cross the road?

A: because it was safer to assume that there would be a car.

While on the topic of logical fallacies:

Descartes walks into a bar and orders a a whiskey.

The bartender asks:  “Would you like me to make it a double?”

Descartes considers it for a while and answers:  “I think not.”

Nobody has seen him since…

And since it is Sunday:

A Higgs Boson walks into a church.  The priest tries to shoo him out, because of all that irreverant ‘the God particle’ thing.  The Higgs Boson insists that he must stay:  “Without me, you cannot have Mass!”

Posted in Humour. Tags: . Leave a Comment »

Saturday joke

Lifted shamelessly from reddit:

Two cats, name One-two-three and Un-deux-trois are racing across a river.

Why will cat One-two-three win?

Because the Un-deux-trois cat sank….

Hint:  say it out loud.

Bonus joke:

Why do French cooks make an omelet from only one egg?

Because one egg is un oeuf!

Posted in Humour. Tags: . Leave a Comment »

I’ll be away hunting for photos of the elusive white moose

Of course, no internet….

Until I return, enjoy a joke-a-day!

Web-Elfism

Pat Condell: Our crippling fear of the truth

Web-elfism…

The Fourth Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.