Last week, my uncle passed away.
OK – uncle-in-law.
But, my hubby was pretty close to him.
And this has stirred up our otherwise uneventful lives.
On so many fronts!
Yes, there is that whole ‘examining one’s life’ thing. The natural result with a brush with mortality – something an unexpected death usually leads to.
Then there is the deluge of relatives, coming in to town to celebrate the uncle’s life. This, in itself, is fascinating: relatives one had never met before, kids, attitudes, support – it is confusing, at best, for an Aspie like me (and, of course, my Aspie kids). Some of these relatives are fascinating, some are perplexing, others are just incomprehensible: yet all of them are part of our extended family and I owe it to my ‘little ones’ (both are taller than I am, so I can now refer to them as ‘my little ones’) to get to know them, at least a little bit.
All kinds of ‘family stories’ come out, are re-told and (I hope) embellished.
And then there is the funeral ceremony itself.
Aspies – like us – tend to have difficulties handeling the outward display of strong emotions. It has something to do with that whole hypothesis of mine that Aspergers is a condition marked by a disfunction in ‘progressive filters’. To make a long story short, imagine that both your perceptions and your emotions are ‘controlled’ by a number of ‘filters’: if one is exposed to a smell, one stops perceiving it after a while, or if one is experiencing touch (like, say, the rubbing of clothes or one’s own hair), one begins to be only aware of the stimulus if there is a change.
This is not true for Aspies: it’s like the number of ‘filters’ is greatly reduced….
Which is why the rubbing of a clothes tag – or, in my case, the rubbing of my own hair – is not ‘diminished’ and causes physical symptoms, like exzema or rash. This goes for sounds, smells, and so on. And – perhaps especially – for emotions.
Which is why so many Aspies have a difficult time with situations which are emotionally ‘highly charged’.
Like, say, funerals…
Which is why we often attempt to reduce the pressure we feel by making highly inappropriate jokes.
This has no relation to the deceased – or our feelings towards him/her.
Rather, it is a coping mechanism which prevents us from spiralling uncontrolably into the abyss…
So, please, take the following in that ‘sense’.
Coming home from the actual funeral ceremony, remembering the ‘musical’ selections that were used in the ceremony itself, we have come up with a list of our own of the ‘music’ we would like used in some potential (hopefully far in the future) funeral of our own:
This one, we all agreed, would be most awesome (especially if we chose to be cremated):
Followed by:
This, of course, would be stricly to assure our loved ones who survive us that we are ‘not truly gone’ but will be with them for EVER!
I do hope this would be of comfort to those I, eventually, do leave ‘behind’!!!
Xanthippa's Chamberpot 